Traditionally, a baby shower was only done to welcome the coming of the first baby. Those who got to be invited were usually the sister-in-laws, the mother and the mother-in-law as well as the girl friends and cousins who were close to the mother-to-be.
Today, the celebration has been extended to the younger children-to-be as well that some feel should not be done as there is the feeling of pressure to have to provide for the needs of each and every child that comes. Some conflicting debate has risen to the effect that some dread each pregnancy.
The modern society has also given way to alternative family units that are just beginning to gain acceptance like a gay couple expecting their first child from either a surrogate mother or through adoption.
With these considerations in mind, there are a few things to follow:
One: consult with the mother-to-be on who gets to be invited. She may have some reservations about inviting some individuals. Get all the pertinent information that one needs to address the invitations: names, email addresses, phone numbers, home address or post office address, etc. then try to send the invitations at least two weeks before the day of the celebration. Also, a week before the event, try to follow up on the invited guests for confirmation of their attendance if they had not answered the RSVP.
Two: consider discussing the possibility of inviting the men to the shower. There are some who like to include the men especially if their wives are close to one another as well. Inviting men will also be a way of congratulating the father-to-be.
There are times that even without the men invited they show up anyway so inviting them should make the men feel that they are part of the child’s coming into the world. If the mother-to-be is close with the male friends of her husband who may not be married, they can still be invited as a support for the new father.
Three: Another thought to consider is if the baby to be expected is for a gay family. Ask them who they want to be included in the baby shower, and when the baby shower is to be celebrated. There are some couples who have surrogate mothers to carry the baby while others simply adopt. If the gay couple does not see any reason why the surrogate mother cannot come if she is in fact a close family friend or even relative, then it would make her efforts even more profound for everyone. Discuss the pros and cons of each situation and narrow down the options.
Fourth: this may be a baby shower for the first child of previously married couples who have children from them also. Discuss with the couple if the children from the first marriages are to be invited as well. This is a good chance for the family to get together with the other children of the friends and although this will be a rowdier party, at least the welcome would not make the older children feel left out.